Sometimes Love just ain't enough

Was having breakfast with my grandma today. She seems weak as ever. I don't know how is she holding up. I guess I can never understand.

Over breakfast, she popped an incredible question, which had been asked many times by different individuals before....

She asked 'What did you break up with FL (ex-gf)?'

I have no idea why she have to bring up such a tough topic in the morning. I did tell her 3 weeks ago about the reasons....somehow it did not satisfy her curiosity....

I was dumbfounded, but I told her that it is due to incompatibility. (SOP answer)

Well, being old does give her some privilege...and she uses it to ask a follow up question.

'Incompatible? Then why are 2 of u together for 5 years?? You should know after a short while together....why drag so long?'

Argh!!! She was beginning to sound like the paparazzi....I kept quiet

She went on to add 'But I never see both of you quarrel before...'

Before she could finish her sentence...I did it for her

'You will never see us quarrel in front of you'

Phew...I got out of that one.

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In the beginning, I thought that FL will be at the losing end from the breakup.

After a few weeks of being alone, I feel that the reverse is true.

When we broke up, I had no one around me. Yes, my friends were there, but it is a different type of support. I cannot really cry or breakdown, plus I had to maintain my pride as a man. I always told her everything. She knows me well. She knows how I tick.

She always had her loving family behind her. Her understanding and loving parents, (who I also lost when we broke up) and her irritating sister, whom she doted on.

I had nothing. My parents? I rather they don't come to me to borrow money. My aunties? They can barely cope with their own families.

My brother? He recently 'conned' me into buying a car for him...sian...Im in debt
I ultimately chose the car, a Subaru Impreza, mainly because that's her favourite car...
Buying a car is shitty, especially when I cannot fetch my love with it...

Well I did cry...that was 2 weeks ago, when I was so sick in camp, in between the smelly blanket and sheets, shivering. I cried because it's my stupid fault for being a stubborn and grumpy old man. That I had to push away a person so in love with me and cared for me so much.

Damn. Now I only feel empty. Especially when I can't find anyone to go out with.

Double damn. I just hope people will stop asking why....cause I dunno the answer as well.

Maybe sometimes love just ain't not enough.