Measure of a man

'What is the measure of a man?'

In a week full of deadlines, perhaps it is not the time for me to think about this timeless question.

However, I had a conversation (read: argument) with someone dear yesterday. She told me something that would mess with my head the whole day. Something that really opened up my mind.

How does one measure the worth of oneself? What standards do we set to achieve before we deem ourselves successful?

Since young, we all follow certain standard that society set, thinking that they are the norm.

In school, we all aim to top the class, if not, be the top three. Parents want their kids to ace their exams, teachers want their students to behave in school.

When you have the latest sneakers, toys, video game, you are the coolest kid in school.

One is only popular in school when they excel in sports, always complete their homework (and passing to everyone to copy) and when they stand up to bullies.

When we go into army, success standards are more physical; whoever can run the course fastest, and always get IPPT gold are deem elite.

When you are in tertiary school, whichever guy who drives a snazzy car, usually get the girls.

Now, as a working adult, everyone wants to drive an expensive car, earn big bucks, have a exciting career, pretty spouse(s), big house, privilege entry into clubs and live a jet-set life or based overseas.

Does having all this material things, make one a cut above the rest?

Are you a lesser man because you have none of these?

Yes. All this while, i feel inferior because I have none of the above.

Worse still, people around me all seem to have all of the above.

In your face dude....

Don't get me wrong. I love my friends. I love hanging out with them. I don't have many friends, so those who I always see, are really my dear friends.

Maybe it's the frustration of not achieving the standard. I feel lost.

Then, while arguing, she told me something.

'You are a great man. Your love of your friends, your love of your grandmother, brother and the means and ways you go out of your way to help them.'

'The steps you took to widen your horizon, by taking up a degree'

'The effort you make, trying to ensure I am always comfortable'

Wow. I never knew that these intrinsic values would mean anything to anyone. I don't even find them worth mentioning, as they are too minor.

This is the first time that someone told me they value my values. It really took me by surprised, as I never look at myself this way. It is really a new perspective.

I am still in a daze.

Thank you, H, for loving me as myself.