Just came back from a long flight on Sat and now I am on a week's leave.
Didn't plan to do anything or go anywhere, so I will be staying put in SIN.
Realised I am getting old, and my memory is not as good as it used to be.
Many topics to write about, but I forgotten cleanly as soon as I got back SIN...haha
Every since I was 17 or so, I had wanted to move out and to taste the feeling of living alone. The freedom and space that I would be able to enjoy was just exciting. No more noisy chatting, loud tv sets, no more phone rings at unearthly timings, no more nagging from my grandma.
At 21 or so, my space was 'invaded' by my uncle's family as they moved into my granny's house and stayed for 2 years.
My uncle has just been declared a bankrupt and he had to sell his house, his car and everything of value. My granny had to take him in as he is the only son she has. I was ok with the idea until the actual place happened. He brought alot of things from his house along, so our house became half a storeroom. He also had 3 children and a maid (!) The explanation was that the children needed care and the maid was kept legal under my granny's name. In the end our 3 room flat was allocated into the following; the maid and 3 children took my room (!), while my uncle & his wife took my granny's room (!!)...in the end i had to share a room with my granny...2 beds, a dressing table, my hi-fi set, tv set and a wardrobe (!!!) There were hardly space to walk.....:-(
It was crazy and although I was in the army back then, I felt very angry and really wanted to move out and stay on my own. However, I didn't have much money and the idea was canned...I had to endure this living condition until they moved out!
I was relieved when they moved out, the house was quieter and everything was peaceful. However, they left a void when they moved out, as the only people in the house now was my granny and me...
I got back my own room and had more walking space, at this point in time my ex-girlfriend started flying and I seldom get to see her...Being young and fun-loving, I hanged out with friends all the time. I hated to be alone, shopping, watching movie, sipping coffee, so I always try to get people out. I was constantly frustrated when my friends were not free and I had to stay at home.
As I grew older, many of my guy friends had a girlfriend and our activities were lesser and meeting up was rare. Even football sessions became seasonal.
My current girlfriend also started flying and I was spending more time alone. I was at a loss of what to do. When I was bumming around in between jobs, it really got bad, as I had plenty of time to myself. My grandma was constantly in front of the tv set and most of my days at home was spend alone, internet, games etc.
For someone who had always people around him, learning to cope with loneliness was not a smooth journey. I came to accept that people's priorities changed as they get older. Work, family or their significant other came first. Football, partying, having fun was always secondary.
When my girlfriend wanted out of our relationship a while back, I was caught unaware and suddenly thrown into despair. This time I really had no one to turn to. It was work and work. No one to share my joys and complaints. I was back to singlehood, but it was not what I wanted.
For 8 months, this bachelor couldn't find the mood to swing. I felt disconnected to the world, to everyone.
Although I am currently back with my girlfriend, I find myself all grown up, emotionally. I seem more nonchalant toward things, more realistic.
Joining the airline was another phase in life as I had to go back to basics. There were no prior experience that I could rely on, just my girlfriend guiding me along the way. However, when I discovered that although you can be working on the same flight, everyone has their own life after they land. The life of a flight attendant was less than glamourous from this view. Everyone was not as fun-loving as before and most of the juniors had to really rely on themselves, as they are often without the company of seniors.
After my first 2 flights, someone had told me that I had to explore, even if it was on my own, if not I would not be able to see the world. As I found out, it was true; I had to have my own plans and I couldn't rely on anyone. As a polite gesture, I do still ask, however, to avoid disappointment, I had to lower my expectations that colleagues will join me.
Since then, I think I truly had adapted to being alone. It is actually quite nice to make your own plans and go out alone. Since I had a habit of talking to myself, I didn't really need any feedback. Armed with a camera & a map, I explored without the need for company. By blogging, I can share with people who couldn't be with me, the experience that I had.
The irony now is that I am literally alone in the house. My grandma is staying with my mum, in view of her weak health and, me being constantly on the move is unable to watch over her.
Thus, I am spending more time alone in a 4-room flat, whenever I am back from my flights.
Living by yourself is so much more different than what I had expected. If not for the internet, I would not even be in contact with any humans for long periods of time.
Maybe when you spend time alone, you can discover many things you did not know about yourself. Through this, I think that even the most child-like person will grow tremendously.
Of course I would not refuse a gathering with friends when I am in town. I am not a hermit on an island. I am still a team player. It's just that the frustration is lesser now when things don't go my way.
But I am still growing up and it's a never ending journey, this road of self-discovery. :-)
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